15 weeks

taken at 15w2d

Once again, sorry for the horrible picture, but it was chilly so no front yard pic this week.  And I had wanted to take the picture on Saturday before we went to Wicked (when I actually had dressed up) but we ran out of time.  Oh well!

 

Baby is the size of a navel orange!  He/she is about 4 inches long and 2.5 ounces.

How far along? 15 weeks.  It doesn't sound like a long time when you say it, but I feel like I have been pregnant forever!  And we still have MANY weeks to go (not that I'm complaining at all, I enjoy it)
Maternity clothes? Since the weather has finally become spring-like, if not summer-like, I can still wear most of my pre-pregnancy dresses.  However, I will need to start shopping for maternity workout gear because that is getting way too small
Stretch marks? none, yet, but I started using my stretch mark oil that other night just to keep them at bay.
Sleep:sleep has been good.  I have been exhausted this week!  Getting up in the morning has been hard
Best moment this week: making it to Friday at 3:17pm because the week lasted FOREVER.  And taking baby to his/her first musical at the Overture Center, Wicked!
Miss Anything?being able to eat like a normal person (I get full so quickly then just feel awful after I eat because I'm running out of room in there) and being able to walk short distances without getting out of breath
Movement: not yet, but I can't wait until Little One starts moving around more.  I've been waiting to feel those little flutters :)
Food cravings: pasta salad, apples and peanut butter, and fig newtons
On Wednesday or Thursday in the middle of the day, I suddenly decided that I must have a cookie.  A fig newton to be exact.
I really haven't gotten any strong cravings and I'm eating like I normally did.  Some things just sound good, but we could say that pre-pregnancy too ;)
Exercise: Little One and I went for 2 jogs this week (one our farthest yet! 2.78 miles! It's sad that I'm excited about that because 4 or 5 years ago I was running 4-5 miles every day and 7-8 on the weekends).
I went to my first prenatal yoga class at Dragonfly Hot Yoga (no it wasn't hot) with one of my very good friends who just happens to be pregnant, about 3.5 weeks behind me!  It was good, but just something to get used to.  I'm not used to doing yoga so slow.
I also started doing some of the videos on the Barre3 website.  Here is the free one I did that made my legs shake like crazy and it's only $15 a month for unlimited streaming.  I might be doing this more than taking the prenatal yoga classes.
Anything making you queasy or sick: not this week
Have you started to show yet: we're sporting the belly now.  I wore a non-maternity dress the other day and I looked very pregnant.  Nearly everyone commented at school about how I had a baby belly now.  The lunch lady on Friday asked if I am pregnant.  I wanted to tell her "no" just to see the reaction, but I was nice and smiled and said "yes."
Gender prediction:Andrew calls the Little One a boy all the time and refers to it as "he."  I've caught myself saying "he" or "him" as well, but I think it's just because Andrew says it first.  I really don't have any strong feelings either way.  I would love to have a little girl first, but I don't get to decide, so whatever this little one is, I will be thrilled.
As I said last week, we decided to have a gender reveal party (so very trendy right now) in July to find out with the rest of our friends and family.
Labor Signs: nope
Symptoms: baby likes to try out every symptom on a one week trial basis.  This week has been cramping (I'll explain more).  Thankfully, baby doesn't like vomiting, so we haven't had to go through that symptom.
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: happy, but ready for school to be over.  I am just ready to be done.
Looking forward to: the three day weekend, school almost being over, and our 16 week appointment in June to hear baby's heartbeat.  Next week I head back to IL to see one of my bestest friends and her new little man who came into the world just a few weeks ago.


I've switched back and forth between writing a letter to the Little One and just writing about the past week.  I'm skipping the letter this week just to write about my random thoughts about week 14 going into 15.

I mentioned before that the symptom of the week has been cramping.  It's been getting more frequent and just uncomfortable.  On Thursday I got to school and just started sobbing because it hurt and I thought there might be something wrong.  After a tearful call to the doctor's office, I was told that it was probably just my uterus growing and nothing serious since I didn't have any other symptoms.  Thank you, small child.  Since then I have just been uncomfortable and feeling a lot of pressure in my lower abdomen.  I have a feeling we will be getting bigger this next week.

I'm excited that I actually look pregnant and not just pudgy, but I'm still in that awkward in between phase.  Also, word to the wise, NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant.  I don't care how pregnant she looks or if she's your best friend.  All I think when I get asked is "Wow, I must look really fat today."  And seriously, what would you do if someone told you "no"?  AWKWARD.

My bestest friend from college, also known as my soul mate, got baby his/her first outfit this week.  So adorable!

This will probably be a whole other post in and of itself, but I started our baby registries this past week.  OMG so stressful!  Between reading Consumer Reports and customer reviews, I'm a big ball of stress.  Not to mention how many things you need for such a tiny person!

Ways to Terrify a Pregnant Woman

Or this could also be titled "How to Scare Any Woman Out of Having a Baby."

So once we found out we were expecting, I signed up for a few websites and newsletters to receive during the week.  The main ones out there are The Bump, What to Expect, and Baby Center.  (The Baby Center always makes my computer freeze up, so I rarely check it. Bizarre)  Anyway, I mainly use them to see how big baby is this week or to look at the community boards for those due in November. 

Every day I get at least one email about the pregnancy from any of the three.  Usually it's "Week ___" and what you can expect.  What to Expect likes to send me newsletters about things way in the future, like
Week 13: Are you having twins?
No, but thank you for bringing this up and making me feel huge.  And normally by week 13, you would have had at least 1 if not 2 ultrasounds.  The technicians are pretty awesome at what they do and I'm pretty sure they would have been able to pick up on the fact that there are two in there or not.

or
Week 15: Tattoos During Pregnancy
This one made me laugh and I shared it on Facebook.  Seriously?  Who thinks to themselves, "I really wish I could do something that will remind me of this pregnancy.  Uh duh, tattoo!"  Come on, what would you even get a tattoo of?  And I'm pretty sure the child at the end of it all will be reminder enough of everything that you went through, oh and the stretch marks and added weight on your stomach, thighs, hips, and butt.

But those aren't the scary things that they send you.  I got this one this week:
Crotch Care 101
(I'm not even joking about the title.  Click on the link, that's the REAL title!

I'm not even going to go through every detail and every tear that will happen or how you will care for yourself and recover.  If you so choose, you can read that yourself. 

But here I am, 15 weeks pregnant, finally feeling good again and feeling ok about getting bigger and then this email comes.  I'm a little too far into this ordeal now, this baby has to come out one way or another, either through major surgery or the natural way.
Either way, it just makes me hurt.  And as of right now, I'm terrified of labor.  I know that every mom will tell me that it's so worth it in the end, and it will be, but right now?  Holy moly, that's just a little TMI for this point.

14 weeks!

This post can also be titled "Why Hello 2nd Trimester" or "Holy Back Pain!"

Could also be titled "Whoa Belly!"

And this picture only reminds me of the weight I didn't lose before baby :(

Baby is the size of a lemon and is 3.4 inches and 1.5 ounces!  Baby's weight has doubled since last week!
How far along? 14 weeks
Maternity clothes? stocking up on maternity clothes.  I can still fit into most of my non-maternity dresses, but that won't last for long.  I got a new maternity skirt and a maternity tank this week.
Stretch marks? none, yet...
Sleep: sleep has been getting much better, but Andrew was out of town this last week so I let the girls sleep in bed with me.  Maddie decided it was time to play with her ball at about 4am every morning.
Best moment this week: making it to the 2nd trimester!!!
Miss Anything? sitting in little chairs to be able to do assessments or read to the kids or being able to sit in the car at the end of the day for my drive home.  My back is killing me!
Movement: not yet
Food cravings: pizza, apples, peanut butter.
As much as I don't want to admit this, I'll share it.  I was walking the kids to gym the other day and smelled hamburgers (which is odd because they didn't have burgers for lunch) and for about 2 minutes all I could think about was how I wanted a hamburger... from McDonalds.  Gross, I know, and I don't even like burgers!  Don't worry, I didn't have one even though the french fries were super tempting and I pass it every day on my way to and from school.
Exercise: did a little jogging, some Jillian Michaels, and Bar Method.  I'm not exercising as much as I would like because I just don't have the time.  I can't wait until the school year is over and I can exercise whenever I want.
Anything making you queasy or sick: not this week
Have you started to show yet: the belly is starting to get bigger.  It grows throughout the day.  In the morning, I just look chubby, but my belly definitely gets bigger by the end of the day.  Depending on what I wear, you can tell I'm pregnant or you just think that I've let myself go.
Gender prediction: I'm still banking on girl and Andrew is banking on boy.  One of us is going to be right!  Our ultrasound is in the beginning of July and we just planned our gender reveal for July 6th!  Now I just hope people will actually be able to come to it.
Labor Signs: nope
Symptoms: refer to the title: Holy back pain!  OMG my back has been killing me this week.  After 11am, I have a hard time sitting.  I usually always sit with my fist pushing in my back trying to relieve some pressure.  It's making it hard to sit in the little chairs to work with my kids.
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: happy, although Andrew will tell you that I complain a lot, mostly about how big I'm getting.
Looking forward to: Our parents coming next week to see Wicked!  I hope that baby will let me sit through the show and how make my back hurt for the 3 hours.

Dear Little One,

You're really great at spreading these symptoms out.  I feel like we're running through all of them in the book, but you only like to make me suffer through each one for a few days to a week.  Your favorite one this week is awful back pain on my right side.  I really shouldn't complain because I didn't have very bad nausea or vomiting like other people I know, but, geez, you've been making it really hard for me to drive the 30 minutes home every day.

I created the invite for your gender reveal in 7 weeks.  We are so excited and can't wait to celebrate you!  Your daddy wants to find out at the ultrasound whereas I think I want to wait and find out with everyone.  Do you think he can keep a secret for 5 days?  I'm not so sure, but we have time to decide.

I'm still trying to get used to this whole "getting bigger" thing.  I didn't think I would start showing this soon, or at least I hoped I wouldn't, but you had other plans.  You're still just a little peanut, but I feel like my belly tells another story.  I am looking forward to the day when I look pregnant and not just chubby.  I feel like I have to walk around with my hand on my stomach so people think I'm pregnant and not just fat.

I'm trying to eat healthier for you and exercise, but I've always had a sweet tooth.  I think you may inherit that from me.  I apologize in advance.  Once my job title officially changes to "SAHM" (stay at home mom) in a month, I hope to exercise a lot more and really kick sugar to the curb.  I make no promises though.  If you could also stop making my thighs and butt bigger and just keep it to the belly where you are actually growing, that would be awesome.

I love you!
Love,
your mama

Hey, you're going to be an uncle!

After telling our parents, our next step was to tell our brothers.  And how do you tell your brothers that they are going to be uncles?  Well, bake them a cookie cake, of course!  And it was a super good cookie cake too.

I used this recipe from the blog Life, Love, and Sugar.  It was super good.  I made a double batch so I could make two cakes and also used her buttercream frosting recipe.  Amazing!

We told my brother at 11 weeks before we announced on Facebook.  I gave him the cookie cake along with the pregnancy announcement.  He was very excited and so was his girlfriend, Lauren.  He is hoping for a boy though.

We hoped to tell Chris, Andrew's younger brother, that weekend too.  However, he was at a wedding and then couldn't make it out to Geneva on Sunday, so he had to settle for a text message picture of his cake later Sunday night.  I wonder if he actually got to eat it?

Andrew called his older brother, Ben, to share the news since he lives in New York.  We also sent them the announcement from the pups, as well.

But the cookie cake?  Best decision, it was delicious.

Grandparents!

So how do you tell your parents that they are going to be grandparents?

As soon as we found out about Baby Loeffler, I thought long and hard about how to tell them.  Text message?  Too impersonal.  Send them an email?  Probably best to do in person.  Oh but wait, thank goodness for Pinterest! But the problem with Pinterest?  It gets so intense and sets the bar really high.

So after pondering for a few days, I settled on this:

 For Andrew's parents, we bought What Grandmas Do Best/What Grandpas Do Best by Laura Numeroff.  Find it on Amazon here.  We also framed our first ultrasound at 6 weeks.

For my parents, we bought The Ultimate Guide to Grandmas and Grandpas by Sally Lloyd-Jones.  Find it on Amazon here. Along with our ultrasound.  (This book was super cute and funny.  I highly recommend it.)

We went out to dinner with Andrew's parents and gave them their gift after we ordered.  They were thrilled and Beth already started planning out the nursery/playroom that she would have at her house for the baby.  We were thrilled to finally be able to tell someone (at just 7 weeks).

My parents were coming back from their spring break vacation in Cancun, so we waited until Saturday night when they got back.  They had a long day of flying, so we ordered Chinese food and settled in to catch up on some of Dad's shows.  I handed my mom the gift and she got it immediately when she saw the book.  She showed my dad the ultrasound while he was very engrossed in his show (mistake) so his response was "What?  What am I looking at Marcia?  Oh, uh, congratulations."  And back to his show.  He did congratulate us the next morning and said he was very excited.  But his initial response just makes me chuckle :)

13 Weeks

 

13 weeks 1 day

May 11, 2013
 Baby is the size of a peach this week and almost 3 inches long and 1oz!
How far along? 13 weeks
Maternity clothes? I have one maternity maxi dress and my mom gave me a long sleeved maternity shirt (already getting ready for the fall!) and a maternity dress from my favorite store, Target!
Stretch marks? none, yet...
Sleep: after I raved about how awesome my sleep was last week, I didn't sleep at all Monday night, but it's getting better again.
Best moment this week: Seeing baby being a sassy little thing on the 12 week ultrasound!  I can't wait until 20 weeks
I also had the best nurse when I went to my doctor's appointment.  I stepped on the scale and turned away and she didn't tell me my weight or write it down in front of me so she could put it in my chart.  She just kept it to herself, love her for that.
Miss Anything? clothes that fit!  It took me 15 minutes and about 4 or 5 shirts to finally find something to wear yesterday.  I can't wait until it's warm enough to wear dresses all the time.
Movement: still too small
Food cravings: apples, deli meat (that I can't eat!), tortilla chips and hummus
Exercise: we jogged 3 mornings this week (even made it to 2.5 miles at 10min/mile pace!), a little Jillian Michaels, a little Bar Method, and lots of walking.  I'm going to my first prenatal yoga class on Sunday.
Anything making you queasy or sick: the smell of coffee is disgusting, but it always was for me.
Have you started to show yet: As big as I think I am by looking down, I just look like I ate about 4 cupcakes or 1.5 dozen cookies.  I'm just pudgy at this point.
Gender prediction: I had a very vivid dream right before the ultrasound that we found out it's a boy at 12 weeks.  So I don't know anymore.
Labor Signs: Way too early for that. 
Symptoms: bloated, tired, fat
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: happy :)
Looking forward to: 2nd trimester!  One more week and we're there :)

Dear Little One,

Oh my, aren't you a sassy, stubborn little thing?  Unfortunately, your daddy had to catch a flight to Omaha the day of your ultrasound, so he didn't get to see you.  You are the cutest little peanut.  You had your little ankles crossed, just chilling.  But I don't think you liked the technician pushing on you because you kept flailing your arms about. (I wish that she would have loaded these ultrasound pictures to my flashdrive.  I think she thought she did, but actually uploaded all the 4D pictures.)  Then she moved to the 4D ultrasound and that's when you decided that you were done and gave me a big "F you, mom."  You stuck your little butt out and turned away so we couldn't see your face. You are definitely your daddy's child because he was a sassy little thing when he was little too.

Not only did I get to see you moving about, we also found out that the chances of downs syndrome and trisomy 18 are both greater than 1/10,000.  You are growing on target for your due date of November 16.  I'm so happy that you are growing like you should and are healthy.  But I apologize in advance if you get my sweet tooth because it hasn't subsided while being pregnant like I was hoping it would.

Oh!  Yazmin, one of my little girls in my kindergarten class, gave you your first toy this week.  I told my kids a week ago and she decided that she needed to get you something.  You now have your very first bear!  And a family portrait of the three of us.  She thinks that you are going to be a boy with black hair (and I'm hoping it was a picture in the very far future because she definitely drew you as a 5 year old.  I'm not ready for you to be that big yet.) 

Love,
Your Mama

Heartbeat of 151

You've gotten so big in the past 4 weeks!

Sassy baby

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to my mom!

To my wonderful grandma, Mimi

To my fabulous Mother-in law, Beth

And also thinking about those who are struggling with infertility and/or loss this Mother's Day.

Source

What is it with Tuesdays?

*Written on March 12, 2013: The day we found out that we are pregnant!*

Tuesdays are always hit or miss for me.  Super awesome or super crappy.

3 weeks ago on Feb 19, I went in for my follicular ultrasound to find out that my follicles were only 14mm and 12mm, which was not what I was hoping to hear.  2 weeks later on a Tuesday my doctor told me that we should look into the HSG test for next month.  Then today this....

I actually wasn't originally going to take a test, but my doctor suggested it before I see her next just so we could document it.  So 5am rolls around on Tuesday, March 12.  I take the test and immediately two lines show up.  I have never seen two lines!  I started freaking out and ran out of the bathroom saying "Holy sh*t, I'm pregnant!"  Not the best way to tell your husband.  Andrew was shocked and it was 5am, so he really wasn't awake yet either.  I skipped my morning workout to snuggle in bed and think about the little one.


I was super excited so I decided to take a test with me and take it before the kids came in the morning just to be sure.  And guess what....

I texted this picture to Andrew and he said "I'll believe when there's a blood test."  I think he was still in shock.

I emailed my doctor and she was shocked as well and called to set up a blood test.  Thankfully, I have a wonderful co-teacher who took over my class at the end of the day so I could leave early to get to the clinic.  They drew my blood and I was on my way within 10 minutes, very anti-climatic.  In the meantime, still freaking out.  I ran some errands and picked up a few things for Andrew, but refrained from going to the Target baby section (It was hard!)

Since I didn't tell Andrew in a cute, sweet way, I thought I would make it up to him.

Morning Bun from Clasen's Bakery.

Congratulations!  We've got a bun in the oven!

Within the next few hours, my wonderful doctor called me back to tell me my results.  My HCG betas were at 533!  Most definitely preggo!  She was so happy with the results.  We set up the first ultrasound for a few weeks from now at the end of March.  I can't wait!

Judgement from librarians?

*Written on March 8, 2013*

Do you ever wonder what people think about you at the library based upon the books you check out?  That's why I'm so thankful for self-check.  Really, I'm thankful for self-check everywhere.  There's nothing like getting beer for your husband and a pregnancy or ovulation test for yourself and knowing that you're being judged by the Target cashier.

So I'm a frequent user of "placing holds" at the library.  I pretty much check out any and every Spanish children's book.  And this week has been no exception.  I've checked out every Dr. Seuss book in Spanish and just returned all of my Pigeon books by Mo Willems.  Well, I also found some other books to check out.

Notice a theme here?

I checked out all of these books hoping that they would give me some kind of answer or a little guidance as to what is going on with me and why it's been 17 months and no baby.

So I spent Thursday night looking through them while Parenthood played on Netflix (I am OBSESSED with this show right now, so good!).

I paged through each of them just to see what it was all about.

The Fertility Journal did not help at all.  It was pretty much just a "hey, if you want to have a baby, you should probably stop smoking and drinking."  "Oh BTW, you need to have sex to get pregnant, did you know that?"

Eat Right For Your Baby is all about eating to get pregnant based upon your blood type.  Well, I don't know my blood type, problem number one.  Kind of a pointless book if you don't have the one bit of information that is crucial to actually following the diet and exercise guidelines.

Is Your Body Baby Friendly?   I was "excited" to look at this book ("excited" because it's not like I was overjoyed or it was like getting ready to go to Disney World, so I guess "eager" is a better adjective to use).  It's actually very informative and explains the different types of infertility and treatments.  I just skimmed it because it's a pretty big book with tiny print and it takes a lot for me to get interested in a book and I knew I couldn't read it cover-to-cover immediately.  Maybe I'll pick it up again.

Fertility for Dummies was actually one that I just reserved on a whim and didn't think it would be of much use.  But it was the only book that I actually started reading (given just the relevant parts, but still).  It was written by a fertility expert and a fertility patient.  I enjoyed reading Jackie Meyers-Thompson's experiences as well as an explanation of IUI, IVF, unexplained infertility, etc.  This is probably a book that I will end up actually reading and not just skimming.

And my choice for my wonderfully supportive husband: What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting.  I feel like all I do is talk about babies, pregnancy, and infertility.  I wanted him to be able to understand why I'm a crazy person and to have more of an understanding of what we're going through so that he can have more of a say.  While I did get it for him, I decided to flip through it to see if it was worth it.

Good thing #1: It's little.  It's not a big book and the font is big!  It's something you can totally read in a weekend.
Good thing #2: It's not so clinical.  It's not written in "I'm not a doctor so I don't know what the hell you're saying right now" jargon but actually like a normal person wrote it.
Good thing #3: The author actually has some real life experience on the matter. Mark Sedaka and his wife actually experience infertility for 6 years and were finally able to have twins through a gestational surrogate.
But even though I did like this book the best, it still made me cry and I ended up sobbing for a good part of the night.
Tear-jerker #1: Face the facts. You're reading this book because you can't have a baby.  Most people under 35 will get pregnant in the first 6 months.  If you're not, there's a serious problem.  (First time I started crying).
Tear-jerker #2: It took Sedaka and his wife 6 years, 10 failed IVF treatments, and a gestational surrogate to have their twin daughters.  Emotionally, I just can't handle that.  I'm terrified that we will be going down that road.
After the first two tear-jerkers, I had to put the book down because I just couldn't take it anymore.
Andrew picked up the book the following day and spent the morning reading it.  He laughed and it seemed to help him.  He even told me to read the very last page.  On the last page, Sedaka said that three years after having their twin girls through a gestational surrogate, his third child was born, a boy.  And not through a gestational surrogate like the twins, but a natural, unmedicated pregnancy and the baby was carried by his wife.  I think it was Andrew's subtle way of telling me that this will happen for us and it makes me cry right now just thinking about it and how much he loves me and how much I love him.

All-in-all, fertility books might be very helpful to some, but they just make me more depressed.  I've come to learn that infertility, especially unexplained infertility is  all-consuming and you can easily get swept up in it all.  I'm having a hard enough time as is, I don't need to read about all of the problems that we may or may not encounter as we continue through this journey.

Which leads me to the title of this post.  When Andrew came home from Florida, I told him that I got a book for him from the library.  When he saw the stack of books on the coffee table he said, "Geez, good thing for self check.  Can you imagine how awkward it would be to put this stack of books on the table and have someone check them out for you?"  Well, someone had to transfer them to the library for the other libraries and put them on a shelf under my name, so that person(s) already knows a lot about our life right now.

Our Struggle Part 2

*Written on March 1, 2013*  I am so lucky that most of my worries never came to fruition and we will be welcoming a sweet little baby in November. 
 
I know that you have been sitting at the edge of your seats just wondering about our struggle with infertility.  Well I left you off here after I had called to get a referral to a specialist.

I was excited and sad to call and make our appointment.  Excited to finally get some real answers and to get this baby train moving.  Sad because I felt like a failure.  Hell we're put on this earth to reproduce and I can't even do that.  How is it possible to fail at something like that?  I watch 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 and all of those crazies can get pregnant just by looking at a guy.  C'mon, Leah had twins and then had a miscarriage and just had another baby!  How fair is that? (I really need to start watching better tv or just not watch it at all.)

I made our initial appointment for December 11, 2012 which was a Tuesday afternoon which would also mean that I would have to take a half day off of work.  Ugh, sub plans.

We went to the Wisconsin Fertility Institute and met with Dr. Pritts.  She is absolutely fabulous and I feel so comfortable with her.  I explain the past 14 months to her and she seemed hopeful, that all we would need is some different medication and it should do the trick.  As opposed to Clomid, she suggested Letrozole, which is actually FDA approved for breast cancer, but also used for fertility because it has less side effects than Clomid.  We decided to do a follicular ultrasound to see if we could proceed with the medication right away or had to wait a few weeks.

And this is where the TMI comes back in.  Get ready.  We won't go through how they actually do follicular ultrasounds because it's just uncomfortable.  Pretty much, if I wasn't ovulating, I could start the medication right way, if I was, then we would have to wait until my next cycle.  Well, I had 3 eggs maturing that appeared to be due to left over Clomid in my body from the last cycle.  We were thrilled!  We kept telling each other that we would either end up with triplets or nothing at all.  We joked all through December that we were having triplets.

Christmas got closer and closer and my dream gift was to tell our parents that we were expecting.  I envisioned how we would tell them and how excited everyone would be.  I tested day after day up until Christmas day hoping to see that second line.  Well, I didn't, and we didn't get our triplets.  In the mean time, I had about 5 friends announce that they were expecting, one of which is my very best friend from high school.  While I was thrilled for all of them, I would be lying if I said that I didn't cry with every announcement that I heard.  Dealing with fertility issues is really difficult at this age when nearly everyone is starting their family and you want to be happy for them, but you are sad for yourself.

NYE found us at Costco filling my prescription for 5mg of Letrozole.  Much like Clomid, I didn't experience any side effects.  I went back to the doctor on Day 11 to see if it worked.  So I trucked over it over to the clinic at 7:30am before school.  I only have one follicle at 14mm and another at 11mm, not exactly what I had hoped.  We decided to be aggressive and do back-to-back Letrozole treatments and I took another round.  I was back at the clinic on Friday before school again to see if it worked.  Yes and no, 20mm and that 11mm didn't do anything.  I was hopeful that this would be the month.

No surprise that January wasn't our month.  No need to even take a test.  We upped my Letrozole to 7.5mg in hopes for more results.  I was back at the clinic on day 12 before school again (rushing to school in the morning just for follicular ultrasounds is really stressful.  I pretty much roll in when the kids do).  I saw Christie, the nurse practitioner, and was really hopeful.  Follicular ultrasound number 4 and let me tell you, those things aren't cheap.  It was not a good day.  Same results as less month, even slightly smaller.  No surprise, I started sobbing.  It was really hard to head back to school and teach sweet little 5 year olds all day.  It's getting harder and harder every day.

Ever since then, I have been in constant touch with my doctor.  She has now suggested that I get an HSG test.  It is a test that takes an x-ray of the uterus and the fallopian tubes to see if they are blocked.  Iodine dye is injected into the uterus and if the tubes aren't blocked, the dye will travel through the tubes and pour into the stomach.  Sound fabulous, right?  Sound painful and expensive? Right again.

I'm freaking out because I never thought I would be in this position and I'm afraid of the outcomes.  I'm afraid that I'll be told that I'll have to have surgery.  I'm afraid that we'll be told the only way we can have a baby is through IVF.  I'm afraid that we'll be told that we can't have babies.

Well, until we meet again.  Hopefully with more answers.

Our Struggle Part 1

Written on February 20, 2013, 16 months into our baby journey. Be prepared for a long-winded post.

I go back and forth about when to share our story.  It's not a question about whether or not to write something, but more so when.  Truth be told, I've started about 3 posts on this subject.  That subject being infertility.  I originally thought I would be posting this after I announced that I was pregnant.  But as the months have worn on,  this post keeps getting put off.

After we got married, the question started coming up again and again "When are you going to have a baby?"  My answer was always, "It'll happen when it happens," but secretly hoping it would be sooner rather than later.

We decided that we would start trying when my birth control ran out in October 2011.  I naively thought it would happen right away.  And this is where the TMI comes in.

Weeks turned into months and still no monthly visit.  Thanksgiving rolled around and I was convinced I was pregnant.  After buying three tests and basically peeing on money, no surprised that it was negative.  Soon came Christmas and still nothing.  False hope that we would have a baby within the year.  I googled just about everything.  People saying that they got pregnant right after stopping the pill, others who took months.

I finally gave in and saw my doctor at the end of January.  She prescribed progesterone to jump start my cycle.  I thought, "Finally, now we're getting somewhere."  More false hope and wasted pregnancy tests.

April came with another progesterone trial and more false hope.   I was absolutely convinced I was pregnant.  I was nauseous, exhausted and thought for sure I had implantation bleeding.  More pregnancy tests later, obvi not the case.  But I kept telling myself that it would happen, that I wasn't going to go see a doctor until we hit the 12 month mark.

Well June rolled around and still nothing.  And to think that we almost didn't go to Dan and Brittany's Disney World wedding because we thought that I would be incredibly pregnant and couldn't fly.   Right after we got back from our trip, I headed to the OB/GYN to maybe get an answer.  A consult and ultrasound later showed that I had symptoms of PCOS, meaning I haven't been ovulating on my own since stopping the pill.  My doctor put me on 50mg of Clomid to get me ovulating.  I got excited.  This might be it.  I remember going to MN to see my grandparents and my aunts and uncles in July 2012 to talk about our upcoming family reunion.  I was just starting the Clomid and we were positive that we would have a 3 month old by the time that the reunion rolled around in August 2013 (we'll be lucky if I'm 3 months pregnant by that time).  (You can read about my initial feelings about being diagnosed with PCOS here)

Day 35 came and still nothing, so more progesterone and an increased does in Clomid.  I met with the nurse practitioner in August and she suggested that Andrew get tested.  I had been joking with him for months that it was probably his fault that we weren't pregnant yet, so now it was the time to find out.   He got up early and drove to the Wisconsin Fertility Institute in Middleton to get tested before work on morning.  He went by himself, but I can imagine how awkward it was.  I got a call from my doctor a week later to tell us that Andrew was more than perfect and not to worry about him.  I let out a sigh of relief but also thought "Crap, it really is my fault."

I started the next cycle of 100mg Clomid.  I, thankfully, never experienced any side effects while on the medication.  Unless false hope is considered a side effect.  It goes without saying how well that cycle went.  During that time, I had left my job in Verona and was starting in the Madison school district.  While I picked my insurance company based upon the fact that my ob/gyn was covered under it, I knew that I would still get a new insurance number and card, so we decided to take a month off until we got our new insurance cards.  Well, I started to get excited because you read all about those people who tried for months and then decided to take a break for a bit and BAM got preggo.  September was the only month that whole year that I got AF on my own.  I called up my doctor to start my 3rd cycle of Clomid.

I was starting to get more and more depressed because we were coming up on the 12 month mark.  Because I had taken a month off of Clomid and didn't have 3 back-to-back cycles, my doctor said that he would do 3 more cycles of Clomid before referring me to a specialist unless we wanted to go that route sooner.  I was hopeful at first because I wasn't ready to admit defeat yet and I was sure that this next cycle would work.  October was another bust and I couldn't take the heartache anymore.  I called the doctor's office and asked for a referral.

So... when are you having kids?

Written in June 2012 after seeing my OB/GYN and before seeing our specialist

Oh that dreaded newlywed question that always rears its ugly head at all parties and get togethers.  And my all-time favorite: so are you trying?
Ummm.... do you really care all that much and I don't think I need to share that information with you!

For anyone that knows me, all I have wanted is to be a mommy.  Don't get me wrong, I love teaching and I love what I do every single day, but I would trade it all in for 3-4 kids and a minivan (well, I could skip out on the minivan, but if it was necessary to have kids, then I would be all in.  But how about a nice hybrid SUV?)

Becoming a teacher was not the easiest road for me.  It took 5 years and three colleges to get my degree (one was a semester at community college during my transition from MU to ISU, so does that count?).  I struggled to find the right grade level for me and even tried my hand at subbing.  I feel like every year I have had to prove myself or jump through hoops to get what I want.  So becoming a mommy should be easy, right?  I mean, heck, how many seasons of 16 and Pregnant have we had, people?

I have had a few friends have babies in the last few years.  Of course, it was a breeze for them.  They would say how easy it was and they got pregnant within months.  I naively thought I would be the same.  After being on the NBP (no baby pill) for nearly 8 years,  I was a little nervous to stop taking them and I don't think I was really ready yet.  I put it off until my pills ran out in October 2011.  I had read a little online about how it would take your body a few months to get back on track, but once you stop taking the pills, they are out of your system.  Awesome, here's looking to being pregnant by Christmas!

Obviously that didn't happen.  Each month I would get my hopes up and think that maybe this was the time and buy more pregnancy tests.  I would get a little nauseous and think "maybe I'm pregnant" and would get all giddy.  After taking about 4 tests in November 2011, I decided to just stop.  There's no point in peeing on a stick when I know what the answer is.  Truth be told, I hadn't even gotten my period back.  Under normal circumstances, one is ecstatic for this.  However, when you are trying to have a baby, it's no Gouda.

Months passed and still nothing, just the looming question: are you pregnant yet?  Nope, just getting fat, thanks for asking though.  Finally in February I called the doctor to figure something out.  She prescribed me a progesterone trial.  Awesome, now it's going to work.  We're going to have a baby, and not just of the fur-ball variety.  Period came and went and my hopes soared.  Ok, this is finally the time.  Wrong again.

Fast forward to the end of June and I'm still waiting.  Seeing pregnant women and babies everywhere and feeling bitter.  Wondering "why me?"  And then the doctors' appointments started.  First to the physician and then to the OB/GYN.  And the "well, we don't know what's wrong with you.  All the tests indicated that you're normal."  GREAT.

At first, I was diagnosed with secondary amenorrhea and scheduled to come back the following week for an ultrasound.  The doctor didn't seem to concerned, so I just tried to brush it off.  We went off to Florida and I tried not to think about the fact that my body seemed to be failing me.  Andrew has been convinced that we would be on the show I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant.  I went into the ultrasound with the false hope that maybe just maybe we would find out that I was already pregnant (bahaha, fat chance).

After the ultrasound, I was told that it appears that I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome which is a genetic disease and commonly found with insulin resistance.  Well, I'm not overweight and I'm not diabetic, so awesome.  We decided to do the progesterone trial again and then Clomid to help us have a baby.  While I am not really a fan of having to take drugs, I'm to the point where I will do anything.  I never thought that I would have to take fertility drugs to have a baby.  If in 3 months, we still aren't pregnant, then it's off to a fertility specialist.

Back the baby train up.  Fertility specialist?  Now I really didn't see that one coming.  I am trying so hard not the think about it, but I'm terrified that it might come to that.  I'm already uneasy about taking Clomid, but I don't want to have to go through this for the next 5 years with living on hope and a prayer.

As I sit here and type this (knowing that I won't post it until after we are pregnant), I keep thinking about how incredibly personal this all is and it's definitely not like me to share all this information with the internet world.  However, I found comfort in reading about others' stories (particularly Emily's story to have Cullen over on DailyGarnish) that I'm hoping that my story will give someone else comfort in knowing that they are not alone.  It's not very well-written, but I can't really find the words to describe how I am feeling right now. 

11 and 12 weeks

 

11 weeks

April 27, 2013
 Baby is the size of a lime!  I think they mean a key lime, but with the size of my belly, it looks like a huge lime.
(Sorry for the awful picture.  I guess I’m not very photogenic while pregnant)
How far along? 11 weeks
Maternity clothes? Bought a maternity dress this week and wearing it as I write this post.  Also searching Target.com and Gap.com for more maternity wear because I can’t fit into much.
Stretch marks? none
Sleep: sleep is still sporadic
Best moment this week: Telling my brother, the Hoods, and a few friends
Miss Anything? wearing clothes without having to constantly *try* to suck it in.  I’m in that fabulous “fat or pregnant?” stage
Movement: still too small
Food cravings: carbs and apples. 
Exercise: walking, Bar Method
Anything making you queasy or sick: this week has been rough.  Anything can make me queasy at this point.
Have you started to show yet: Friends have said that I’m not showing at all, but I feel ginormous.  I constantly have to tell myself that “I’m not fat, I’m growing a baby.”  I’m not doing well with this whole weight gain right now
Gender prediction: I am thinking that it will be a girl, but Andrew wants boys
Labor Signs: Way too early for that. 
Symptoms: bloated, headaches, nausea, heartburn
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: super moody this week
Looking forward to: 12 week ultrasound

This week has been rough.  I am officially a hot mess (as is very evident by the 11 week picture.  We really need to find a good place to take pictures or stop taking pictures in the afternoon.)  I cry at the drop of a hat about anything and everything.  I feel crappy and I’m not liking this new body.  Although I didn’t gain as much weight as I thought, I still weigh more than I want to mainly because I didn’t lose the weight I wanted to before getting pregnant.

Andrew is such a trooper and it’s amazing that he can survive life with me right now.  I’m pretty crabby and constantly complain about being fat.   I’m hoping that once I actually get a baby belly, I’ll feel a little more comfortable than just with this fat and bloat.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May 5, 2013
Baby is the size of a plum!
How far along? 12 weeks
Maternity clothes?
Stretch marks? none
Sleep: I can sleep again!  Usually only until about 4:40, but I'm not getting up 3-4 times every night.  WIN!
Best moment this week: Telling the world about Baby Loeffler! We made our announcement on Facebook and the blog
Miss Anything? being able to suck it in since I officially can't.  But I'm looking forward to getting a real baby bump and not just fat
Movement: still too small
Food cravings: Apples and cheese, oh and pasta salad
Exercise: Jogging!  Baby and I jogged 2 days in a row! But then it got cold and rainy, so back to BarMethod and walking the dogs.
Anything making you queasy or sick: This week has been awesome which makes me nervous now that I'm feeling close to normal again
Have you started to show yet: There is officially a "baby bump."  I use that term loosely because it's mostly just fat but I can't suck it in anymore
Gender prediction: I am thinking that it will be a girl, but Andrew wants boys
Labor Signs: Way too early for that. 
Symptoms: bloated, super tired
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: crabby (mainly at school), but super happy this weekend!
Looking forward to: 12 week ultrasound next Wednesday!

Little One,

You are certainly very loved!  I have loved sharing our happy news about you with everyone and they are all so excited.

I cannot wait to see how much you have grown in the past two weeks!  But it will be hard to wait another 8 weeks to see you again.

Thank you for being good to me this week.  I almost feel like my normal self again which has been enjoyable.  We officially announced your impending arrival on November 16th.  And I also officially submitted my resignation so I can stay at home with you next year.  I can't wait for the school year to be over so we can start preparing for your arrival.

Love you,
Your mama

9 and 10 weeks

9 weeks

April 13, 2013
Baby is the size of a green olive!  Now I don’t like olives, not one bit, but this is the cutest green olive I have ever seen.
How far along? 9 weeks
Taking out the weight gain portion because I’m having a hard enough time accepting this new body
Maternity clothes? Not yet, but I have a feeling it will be sooner rather than later.
Stretch marks? none
Sleep: exhausted all the time.  I can’t breathe through my nose anymore at night, so I don’t sleep well and wake up at least 4 times a night
Best moment this week: getting that much closer to the 12 week point (if we can wait that long to share the news)
Miss Anything? regular exercise, breathing through my nose, not feeling sick at night
Movement: still too small
Food cravings: chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (I bought a carton last night and it was delicious; however, I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve nearly polished off the whole thing).  We’re going to Eno Vino tonight with Dan and Brittany and I can’t wait to get their french fries.
Exercise: I started doing more Jillian Michaels workouts (only weeks 1 and 2 of Ripped in 30 and taking it super easy).  It’s been tough though because I get so out of breath much quicker.
Anything making you queasy or sick: eating too much, working out early in the morning (gave me migraines this week)
Have you started to show yet: nope.  I can’t wait until it’s all baby that’s showing and not just bloat
Gender prediction: I am thinking that it will be a girl, but Andrew wants boys
Labor Signs: Way too early for that. 
Symptoms: first full-on migraine this week (auras and all), bloated, tired, queasy
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: excited
Looking forward to: getting to the double digits next week

Dear little one,

Once again, you are quite the little fighter and kicked my butt this week.  I’m thankful that you have not made me throw-up at all, but the migraine was a little much. 
It’s hard to believe that we’ve only know about you for just about a month because it feels like so much longer.  We are beyond thrilled to finally be pregnant that it makes the waiting game very difficult.  I can’t wait until you grow more (although you’ve already grown so much!) and I start to get a baby belly instead of just a fat belly.

I’ve been having a hard time adjusting to all the changes you are putting me through.  I have always struggled with my body and how I perceive myself and you are not making it very easy!  Your daddy has been so sweet to me, assuring me that I’m not getting fat and I’m beautiful, even though my clothes are getting tighter.

I’ve been reading a few different blogs over the past year and some of them talked about craving all these healthy things like fruits and veggies.  I’m still waiting for that with you.  Can you please want something of nutritional value?  Don’t get me wrong.  I love tortilla chips and BBQ chips just as much as the next person, but they aren’t doing much for us except giving me bigger thighs.  So that’s my one plea, something for you to ponder while you’re in there growing like a weed: request something of nutritional value so we can keep this weight gain under control!

Either way, I’ll always love you :)

Your Mama
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10 weeks

April 20, 2013
There is some debate as to what food baby best represents this week: cherry, prune, kumquat: take your pick.
How far along? 10 weeks
Maternity clothes? I’m contemplating getting a belly band because this belly is starting to get out of control.  We’re to the point where sucking it in is hopeless.
Stretch marks? none
Sleep: tired, which makes me cranky.  Still getting up at least 2-3 times a night, once to go to the bathroom, the other times just because.
Best moment this week: reaching double digits!
Miss Anything? not getting out of breath from walking across a room and a turkey sandwich
Movement: still too small
Food cravings: I pretty much eat anything and everything which is exactly what I didn’t want to do when I got pregnant.
Exercise: I just bought a Bar Method DVD (both regular and a pregnancy one).  Andrew put a “ballet bar” (stair banister) in the basement for me.  I did the regular one this past Friday and my body is still hurting a day later
Anything making you queasy or sick: I’m feeling pretty good this week.  Although I wish that I was feeling sick because it would make me feel better, oddly enough.  I’ve started freaking out about miscarriage lately.
Have you started to show yet: I’m sure others will say no, but I’m feeling huge right now.  I officially can’t suck it in very much any more
Gender prediction: I am thinking that it will be a girl, but Andrew wants boys
Labor Signs: Way too early for that. 
Symptoms: bloated, occasional cramps, headaches
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: nervous
Looking forward to: telling our brothers they will be uncles!  And week 10 checkup!

I’m ecstatic to finally be in double digits.  We only found about about 5.5 weeks ago but it feels like an eternity.  I really want the next weeks to fly by because I’ve started to get very nervous about miscarriage.  Google really is a dangerous thing.  Although 2 weeks ago, Little One had a heartbeat of 171, there are still people who had a miscarriage weeks later.  We’ve wanted this for so long that I don’t think I could handle it if it all ended.  Everyone is just so excited about this little baby that I don’t know what I would do if the baby stopped growing.

I also have a horrible poker face.  The kindergarten team all know because most of them guessed.  I had wanted to wait at least two more weeks before telling them because now I’m getting paranoid about it.  There are lots of “what-ifs” running through my mind.  “What if I have a miscarriage? What will I tell people?” 

Everyone who knows me knows that I have a horrible sweet tooth.  I thought that once I got pregnant, I thought my mindset about food would change immediately.  I assumed that I would be so consumed with the need to do everything perfectly and follow all pregnancy health advice to a tee.  Well, not so much.  My eating habits haven’t changed that much. 

My other worry is a little more vain.  While I am beyond excited to be pregnant, I am terrified of getting bigger.  As someone who struggled with weight or body issues since high school, like many girls do, getting bigger and gaining weight is not something I am handling very well.  I am embarrassed to say that I have cried, no sobbed, on numerous occasions this week.  I had wanted to lose weight before getting pregnant and since I didn’t, I am even more freaked out about gaining weight.  I’m trying to get over it, but it’s hard to accept.

So this is my first update that has been riddled with baby/pregnancy worries and body issues.  I guess pregnancy isn’t all rainbows and sunshine, right?  I am so so excited and can’t wait to share the news, but I have jumped on the worry and paranoia bandwagon this week.  I hope week 11 brings more excitement. Maybe the next checkup will ease my worries a little.

7 and 8 weeks

7 weeks

March 31, 2013
How far along? 7 weeks 2 days
Total weight gain: unknown, I hope not a lot
Maternity clothes? Not yet
Stretch marks? none
Sleep: still exhausted all the time, but sleeping a little better at night
Best moment this week: Telling our parents that they will be grandparents!
Miss Anything? being able to eat without getting nauseous, regular exercise
Movement: None.  Little one is still an itty bitty jellybean.
Food cravings: chips and french fries: Andrew was nice enough to get me both this past week
Anything making you queasy or sick: if I don’t eat enough or eat too much
Have you started to show yet: nope but I can’t wait!
Gender prediction: I am thinking that it will be a girl, but Andrew wants boys
Labor Signs: Way too early for that. 
Symptoms: still get cramps at night and am super tired during the day
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: so happy
Looking forward to: seeing the little one at our 8 week ultrasound next week!

Dear little one,

You are officially giving me a run for my money.  This past week has been hard for your mama.  But, thankfully, I have been on spring break.  I haven’t gotten any morning sickness, but I’m starting to get more and more nauseous throughout the day.

We told your Grandma Beth, Grandpa Charlie, Gma Marcia, and Gpa Skip about you this weekend.  They are so excited to meet you!  However, you are still a big secret that we have to keep, but at least they don’t have to keep it as long as they had to keep the secret of our wedding.  You are already a very well-loved little jellybean.

We’ve started to think about how we’re going to tell everyone about you.  We’re so excited about you, little one, and we can’t wait to see you again next week!

Love,
Your mama
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8 weeks

April 7, 2013
Baby is the size of a raspberry!
How far along? 8 weeks 2 days
Total weight gain: I feel like a lot, super bloated this week
Maternity clothes? Not yet
Stretch marks? none
Sleep: exhausted all the time.  I can’t breathe through my nose anymore at night, so I don’t sleep well and wake up at least 4 times a night
Best moment this week: seeing the little one today at our 8 week ultrasound
Miss Anything? regular exercise, breathing through my nose
Movement: None.  Little one is still an itty bitty gummy bear.
Food cravings: french fries (but I haven’t had any this week, self control, people), I made chocolate peanut butter cupcakes yesterday and I really want ice cream with them, but I have refrained.
Exercise: I decided to add this in because it’s something I’ve been struggling with.  I am a workout-aholic, so not being able to do it regularly is killing me.
We’ve been trying to walk a lot more now that it’s nice out, but I’m hoping that I can get Andrew to start jogging with me.  (I’m terrified of getting big all over and not just a baby belly)
Anything making you queasy or sick: eating too much
Have you started to show yet: nope.  I can’t wait until it’s all baby that’s showing and not just bloat
Gender prediction: I am thinking that it will be a girl, but Andrew wants boys
Labor Signs: Way too early for that. 
Symptoms: larger in the chest (wearing two sports bras to workout, ridiculous), congested, headaches, bloated
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: so happy
Looking forward to: the little one growing

Dear little one,

We got to see you again today and you are getting so big!  You’re not just a little dot on the screen anymore.  We could see your head, body, little arms and legs.  Your heartbeat is 171 which is awesome. 

Everyone is so excited about you and I can’t wait to share the news with the world.  We still want to wait another month until you are a little bit bigger to tell everyone.  We made some pregnancy announcements this weekend with Lucy and Maddie and some baby shoes to send to our families. 

You are already so well-loved and you’re going to be so spoiled!

Love,
your mama

5 and 6 weeks

Andrew's Birthday!

March 16th, 2013
How far along? 5 weeks
Total weight gain: I have refused to step on a scale for years, but I’m pretty sure the Culver’s custard I ate tonight didn’t help.
Maternity clothes? Not yet
Stretch marks? none
Sleep: I wake up a few times during the night and the past few nights I’ve been up for good around 4:30am
Best moment this week: Finding out that we’re pregnant!  After trying for 17 months, it was a shock to see the positive pregnancy test and then getting the confirmation from the blood test.
Miss Anything? regular sleep and walking up and going to bed without a stomach ache
Movement: None.  You’re just the size of an apple seed, little one, so it will be quite some time before we can feel you.
Food cravings: The normal: anything with sugar.  It’s no surprised that I’m a sugar addict, so I’ve still been loving anything with sugar.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not yet
Have you started to show yet: No, but I wish I would have been able to lose some weight before getting pregnant.  I’m still in the sucking-in phase because I just look pudgy and will for some time yet.
Gender prediction: Who knows!  Andrew is convinced we will have all boys, but I’d like at least one little lady.
Labor Signs: Way too early for that.  That’s keep this at bay for at least 32 more weeks.
Symptoms: stomach aches.  I wake up with one and go to bed with one.  However, it makes me feel good.  When I feel normal then I don’t feel pregnant anymore.  I started the beginning of the week feeling very gassy and bloated and I don’t think that will change any time soon.
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy & SUPER EXCITED! It’s all I can think about.
Looking forward to: Our first ultrasound in a little more than a week.  We can’t wait to see little one (or little ones)

Dear Little One,

I can’t believe that I am finally writing this!  I have been dreaming and praying for this moment for so long.  After 17 long months, your daddy and I are over the moon! 

I was actually convinced that I was not pregnant.  I even emailed my doctor the day before telling her that I knew I wasn’t and wanted to know what sort of treatment we should start next.  She urged me to take a test so that we could document it.  I got up on Tuesday morning, March 12, at 5am and took a test.  Within seconds I saw two pink lines.  I started freaking out.  I threw open the door and exclaimed to your daddy, “Holy s***, I’m pregnant!” Not the best way to tell him, but I got him a Morning Bun from Clasen’s Bakery to tell him after work.

You were all I could think about all day.  I was bursting at the seams and still am.  Your daddy didn’t really believe me or let himself get excited until after I had the blood test done.  Dr. Pritts is thrilled with your HCG betas and thinks there might even be two of you!  We would be so excited to have twins but equally as happy to just have one healthy baby.

The days are crawling by as we await our first ultrasound on Monday, March 25.  I cannot wait to see you and see if there is just one or two of you in there!

I love you so much already, little one!

Love,
Your Mama
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March 25, 2013
Sorry, no belly pic this week

How far along? 6.5 weeks
Total weight gain: I’m going to avoid the scale as long as I can, but don’t worry, I know I will be able to gain the appropriate weight if not more.
Maternity clothes? Not yet
Stretch marks? none
Sleep: Waking up a few times during the night and exhausted during the day.
Best moment this week: Seeing the little one’s heart beat today!  We even got to hear it too.
Miss Anything? regular sleep and walking up and going to bed without a stomach ache
Movement: None.  Little one is still itty bitty.
Food cravings: Carbs and Mexican food, but that’s a normal craving in non-pregnant life, so I don’t think it’s really a craving
Anything making you queasy or sick: Not yet
Have you started to show yet: nope but I can’t wait!
Gender prediction: I am thinking that it will be a girl, but Andrew wants boys
Labor Signs: Way too early for that. 
Symptoms: still get cramps at night and am super tired during the day
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: so happy
Looking forward to: Telling our parents this weekend

Dear little one,

It’s official, there’s just one of you in there (unless your sibling was hiding).  We got to see you on the ultrasound today and hear your sweet little heart beat.  You don’t look like much now and your daddy thinks you look like a jelly bean.  Maybe that’s what I’ll start calling you.

I went out with a few of my friends this weekend and it was very hard not to talk about you.  Your Auntie Liz knows (she is pregnant with your future playmate), so we got to chat, but I haven’t told anyone else.  I’m hoping I can keep the secret for at least another month.

Your grandparents are going to be so excited to find out about you this week!  You are already very well-loved and soon you will be very spoiled!
While I was convinced that we would have twins, I’m excited to have you.  Seeing you today was so exciting and I can’t wait to see you grow!

Love,
Your mama

Baby's 1st Picture