Our Struggle Part 2

*Written on March 1, 2013*  I am so lucky that most of my worries never came to fruition and we will be welcoming a sweet little baby in November. 
 
I know that you have been sitting at the edge of your seats just wondering about our struggle with infertility.  Well I left you off here after I had called to get a referral to a specialist.

I was excited and sad to call and make our appointment.  Excited to finally get some real answers and to get this baby train moving.  Sad because I felt like a failure.  Hell we're put on this earth to reproduce and I can't even do that.  How is it possible to fail at something like that?  I watch 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 and all of those crazies can get pregnant just by looking at a guy.  C'mon, Leah had twins and then had a miscarriage and just had another baby!  How fair is that? (I really need to start watching better tv or just not watch it at all.)

I made our initial appointment for December 11, 2012 which was a Tuesday afternoon which would also mean that I would have to take a half day off of work.  Ugh, sub plans.

We went to the Wisconsin Fertility Institute and met with Dr. Pritts.  She is absolutely fabulous and I feel so comfortable with her.  I explain the past 14 months to her and she seemed hopeful, that all we would need is some different medication and it should do the trick.  As opposed to Clomid, she suggested Letrozole, which is actually FDA approved for breast cancer, but also used for fertility because it has less side effects than Clomid.  We decided to do a follicular ultrasound to see if we could proceed with the medication right away or had to wait a few weeks.

And this is where the TMI comes back in.  Get ready.  We won't go through how they actually do follicular ultrasounds because it's just uncomfortable.  Pretty much, if I wasn't ovulating, I could start the medication right way, if I was, then we would have to wait until my next cycle.  Well, I had 3 eggs maturing that appeared to be due to left over Clomid in my body from the last cycle.  We were thrilled!  We kept telling each other that we would either end up with triplets or nothing at all.  We joked all through December that we were having triplets.

Christmas got closer and closer and my dream gift was to tell our parents that we were expecting.  I envisioned how we would tell them and how excited everyone would be.  I tested day after day up until Christmas day hoping to see that second line.  Well, I didn't, and we didn't get our triplets.  In the mean time, I had about 5 friends announce that they were expecting, one of which is my very best friend from high school.  While I was thrilled for all of them, I would be lying if I said that I didn't cry with every announcement that I heard.  Dealing with fertility issues is really difficult at this age when nearly everyone is starting their family and you want to be happy for them, but you are sad for yourself.

NYE found us at Costco filling my prescription for 5mg of Letrozole.  Much like Clomid, I didn't experience any side effects.  I went back to the doctor on Day 11 to see if it worked.  So I trucked over it over to the clinic at 7:30am before school.  I only have one follicle at 14mm and another at 11mm, not exactly what I had hoped.  We decided to be aggressive and do back-to-back Letrozole treatments and I took another round.  I was back at the clinic on Friday before school again to see if it worked.  Yes and no, 20mm and that 11mm didn't do anything.  I was hopeful that this would be the month.

No surprise that January wasn't our month.  No need to even take a test.  We upped my Letrozole to 7.5mg in hopes for more results.  I was back at the clinic on day 12 before school again (rushing to school in the morning just for follicular ultrasounds is really stressful.  I pretty much roll in when the kids do).  I saw Christie, the nurse practitioner, and was really hopeful.  Follicular ultrasound number 4 and let me tell you, those things aren't cheap.  It was not a good day.  Same results as less month, even slightly smaller.  No surprise, I started sobbing.  It was really hard to head back to school and teach sweet little 5 year olds all day.  It's getting harder and harder every day.

Ever since then, I have been in constant touch with my doctor.  She has now suggested that I get an HSG test.  It is a test that takes an x-ray of the uterus and the fallopian tubes to see if they are blocked.  Iodine dye is injected into the uterus and if the tubes aren't blocked, the dye will travel through the tubes and pour into the stomach.  Sound fabulous, right?  Sound painful and expensive? Right again.

I'm freaking out because I never thought I would be in this position and I'm afraid of the outcomes.  I'm afraid that I'll be told that I'll have to have surgery.  I'm afraid that we'll be told the only way we can have a baby is through IVF.  I'm afraid that we'll be told that we can't have babies.

Well, until we meet again.  Hopefully with more answers.